Jase Graves: Stroll away from COVID-19 – The Tribune
After watching the each day COVID-19 protection on CNN, I’ve discovered that the easiest way to beat lingering ideas of melancholy, hopelessness, and Chris Cuomo is by happening a brisk stroll round our neighborhood with my spouse.
Not solely can we get some train, but it surely additionally provides us an opportunity to vent in regards to the worries and frustrations of residing with three teenage daughters throughout a pandemic, which makes us really feel depressed and hopeless once more, however not less than we’re exhausted and sweaty.
Actually, although, I’m undecided how a lot precise train we get on these energy strolls — apart from after we’re assaulted by a type of invisible ninja spider webs and have a synchronized full-body cardio freak-out in the midst of the road. We then pray that no one noticed us and that the spider hasn’t arrange housekeeping in our underwear.
As a result of we often stroll late within the night, I usually carry an previous broom deal with, each for cover and in order that I can fake like I’m Gandalf from “The Lord of the Rings.” You by no means know once you may need to face an orc, goblin or the neighbor’s flesh-eating Chihuahua combine.
On a couple of of our walks, we’ve seen precise wildlife, and I don’t imply kids on these electrical scooters. No, I imply actual woodland creatures not usually discovered frolicking round yard artwork and storage gross sales.
Just lately whereas strolling at night time, we stumbled upon a big copperhead snake rippling throughout the nice and cozy pavement. After we shared a particular second collectively admiring its pure magnificence — we each rushed again dwelling for a contemporary pair of Nike shorts.
As we have been passing by our home on one other night stroll, my spouse noticed what seemed to be an overweight housecat in want of a substance-abuse intervention waddling beneath my eldest daughter’s automobile. After I squatted all the way down to establish the creature, I got here eye-to-eye with a chunky opossum huddling straight underneath the drain plug – and I couldn’t even discuss him into doing a fast oil change.
Talking of untamed animals, we all the time invite our daughters to hitch us on our walks. Normally, they reply by wanting up at us from their cell telephones as if we simply requested them to crawl over sizzling shards of damaged glass utilizing solely their lips and eyeballs. Often, although, our center daughter accompanies us and makes use of it as a chance to show that irrespective of how little train she will get each day, she will be able to nonetheless make each of her dad and mom feel and appear like disabled Galapagos tortoises as she sprints up hills and runs in circles round us.
Even so, it provides us a chance to have some high quality time visiting together with her – till she pronounces that she goes to jog the remainder of the way in which dwelling as a result of I’ve began asking questions on her present boyfriend – like whether or not or not she approves of his deodorant.
Over the previous few months, I’ve actually come to rely on these each day walks with my spouse, and I feel she enjoys them, as properly. Ultimately, I’ll most likely wind up like a type of aged dudes taking laps across the native shopping center concourse in my nylon coaching swimsuit, itemizing ever so barely towards the Victoria’s Secret retailer after I go by.
Till then, I’ll proceed to hit the streets of our neighborhood so I can attempt to neglect about COVID-19 for some time, breathe some contemporary air, and entertain the neighbors after I stroll by means of a spider net.
Jase Graves is an award-winning humor columnist from East Texas. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org