Mark Andrews on Saturday: Magic medics, making e-scooters bearable, and why it may very well be dangerous to scoff at goths
Electrical scooters are to be fitted with ‘synthetic noise units’ to cut back the danger of individuals being mown down by folks whizzing round pavements on the silent units.
The brand new sound results will probably be launched subsequent 12 months, as soon as it has been established which of them work greatest.
It is going to likely be an infuriating bleeping sound of some description, which can after all add to the enjoyment of strolling round cities already marred by numerous limitations, stickers and warning indicators.
Could I be the primary to counsel an alternate sound, much less painful on the eardrums? Let’s make all these scooters play the Rupert the Bear theme tune. And to enhance visibility for the arduous of listening to, all riders ought to put on yellow checked scarves and tartan slacks.
A idiot and his cash are simply parted. Leeak Khan, a physician India, claims he was conned out of £72,000 by a trickster who bought him a faux Aladdin’s lamp after apparently giving it a rub to make a genie seem.
However when he received the lamp dwelling, Dr Khan discovered it did not work, and the penny dropped that the genie was truly a mate of the conman who was in on the fiddle. So naturally he contacted the authorities and complained his magic lamp wasn’t match for function.
“Erm, I’m wondering if you happen to might assist me? I’ve simply paid 72 grand for a magic lamp, however it does not appear to work, I believe it may be a faux. Is there any means I would get my a refund?”
At the least it did not occur right here. As a result of I am unsure I’d be too comfortable my GP thought a preferred kids’s pantomime was truly a fact-based documentary.
“Antiobiotics? You do not want them squire. Simply take these magic beans, get your self a goose that lays golden eggs, and you need to be proper as rain.”
The tricksters advised Dr Khan the lamp would carry wealth and luck. Nicely it definitely did for them.
Amid the hullabaloo in regards to the US presidential election, one really terrifying information merchandise nearer to dwelling has slipped underneath the radar.
The Legislation Fee, a quango headed by Attraction Courtroom choose Sir Nicholas Inexperienced, is looking for an extension of ‘hate crime’ legal guidelines to cowl personal conversations within the dwelling. Not solely that, the fee needs a serious enlargement of their scope to cowl sub-cultures equivalent to goths, punks, nudists, vegans and intercourse fetishists. And for stiffer sentencing, with jail phrases of as much as seven years.
Whereas they insist this isn’t the intention, it does not take a large leap of creativeness to see half a dozen officers with Tasers rocking up on the doorstep as a result of Uncle Barry made a disparaging comment in regards to the Quorn nutroast.
And the way will these legal guidelines be enforced? Will all these voice-activated units within the dwelling be secretly programmed to choose up offending terminology? Or will or not it’s completed the old school means, with undercover cops in mild blue tracksuits masquerading as household pals, like they did in East Germany?
Both means, this troubles me excess of who would be the subsequent chief of a rustic 4,000 miles away.